edition 2 of our women-only writers collective bodytext is held sept-dec this year. waitlist is now open here. you need zero writing experience— its all about freeing the voice
have you noticed that everything in life is about a kind of power exchange? that underneath every tiny —even internal— decision or choice is a product of a push and pull between two parts? there is an ongoing conversation no matter what… but how aware are we of it?
im hard-landing back in san diego after 3 weeks spent in hungary and im finding myself yearning for someone to take advantage of me.
yes— i wish for a man to come into my life and boss me around.
i’d say im in control most of the time— i single-parent 80% of the time (the other 20% i spend single-womaning,) i work for myself, i live alone, i have zero help in the physical space, my family lives on another continent, i have no more than 2 local friends and truth be told no real friends to count on if there is a sos situ. i got to be ready 24/7. i yearn to be in a space where i can relax and let go and surrender and trust enough that i can let someone else take all the weight of the moment.
so 5 days post landing and amidst jetlagging hard, i downloaded this app called feeld again.. this time with the following bio….
i’ve spent most my life inside the submissive role in relationships, not knowing what i was doing. i’m ready to try myself with full awareness. from a place of choice rather than some kind of unconscious arrangement i have psychologically agreed to without agreeing while being a child. im an adult now with adult responsibilities and adult needs and desires. only shame can stop me.
but as i have recently learned from my tantric therapist —you will keep hearing of her dont worry— shame is not a foundational emotion that exists on the wheel of samsara. it is a learned feeling… this means whenever i sense it, i get to challenge myself and well…. allow other parts of me to dominate and slowly suffocate that voice that tries to stand in the way between myself and my desires. aka: what would allow me to feel free.
as a mom i know this feeling too well. especially as a single mom. a divorcee, if you will. i’ve been a source of threat to other non-single-moms at the playground and am often someone who needs support when shit’s falling to pieces. but generally speaking, somewhere in all the responsibility i must take at all times, the last thing on the list keeps being my true desires. sexual or not. but since we are at it— being a mom who has sex or feels sexual and juicy and sort of wears it on their sleeve remains a controversy wherever i go. to many its a total no. to some its deliberately kink.
it was inside all this this when i sat down with the brilliant painter katarina janečková walshe, whom i’ve been following along diligently on ig for quite many years now. the themes she explores in her work seems to effortlessly seam the sexual+mother. every single piece she creates makes me emotional and helps me connect the seemingly separate parts of myself. a slovakian painter living in america whose studio practice has been shaped for years by painting with her two daughters, allowing the collaborative space to shape her current style. i spoke to her before she flew to NYC for an artist residency, her first residency since becoming a mother.
inside the ep
losing control of the canvas, children in the studio as part of the process, the sexual mother as a “taboo” subject, refinding sexuality and femininity inside a fourteen-year marriage, the mother archetype as the dominatrix
follow katarina on ig katarina’s work at harkawik
listen here on substack or on apple podcasts / acast / spotify.
writing/prompts
while reading this post and listening to this episode — do this with either or both — notice what words, phrases or sentences your body responds to. just notice. if you feel anything anywhere, make a list of it in your notebook. use these as prompts creatively this coming week. use katarina’s poem as its own prompt. use her painting shared here as a prompt as well, in fact, any other of her paintings. as you please babe.
our women-only writing collective *bodytext* already opened its waitlist for EDITION2 of this year (sept-dec) get on it here (peep there more info too)
✦ ݁ blood of aurora is a bi-weekly audio series hosted by hungarian artist dóri varga, featuring raw conversations with women from the creative field on sex, motherhood, creativity, relationship and transformation. the same themes are explored inside our bi-annual, multi-month writers collective called bodytext.✦ ݁˖
